Reframing Part 2: Pain Becomes Zen Becomes Gratitude

"Sometimes you have to eat the pickle." --Edward Espe Brown

-----------------

The documentary "Cook Your Life" follows Zen teacher Edward Espe Brown through one of his cooking classes. During the film, Mr. Brown recites a tale of his Zen teacher (complete version here). As a youngster, Suzuki Roshi was at a monastery with several other boys. They were served pickled Daikon radishes that were "off" slightly, an artifact of a mistake in the pickling process. The boys refused to eat them, but the pickles kept showing up at every meal for many days. One night, that was all they were served. Suzuki Roshi and the boys pretended to eat the pickles, but buried them in a deep hole in the garden. But, what do you know?! The pickles showed up on their plates again that night.

Of course, there's a moral: when faced with unpleasantness, we often try to deny, bury, drown, hide, or mask it. But it's still there, as it was with Suzuki's pickle. And you have to face it. Hence the quote at the top of this post.

My pickle has been chronic back pain, which I've dwelled (dwelt?) on plenty in this forum, so I'll spare you the details in this post. The question I keep coming back to is this: why can't I just get this fixed? Since 2008, I've consulted 3 family practice doctors, a physical therapist, an orthopedist, 4 chiropractors, a spine surgeon, and an acupuncturist. The surgeon recommended against surgery. The chiropractors made their adjustments. The physical therapists gave me exercises to do. The doctors gave me drugs. I've used various over-the-counter and prescription medications for pain and relaxing muscles (masking, drowning...), with various results (and yes, the prescriptions were made out to me, thanks for asking). I've stopped short of anything truly invasive such as injections or surgery, even though I had an MRI that showed a few bulging disks.

Fast forward to now. I'm re-visiting a book called Back Sense: a Revolutionary Approach to Halting the Cycle of Chronic Back Pain by Siegel, Urdang, and Johnson (here's their website). This book, along with 7 Steps to a Pain-Free Life by Robin McKenzie (of the "McKenzie Method"), were very enlightening, and challenged what I was hearing: spine surgery is the only definitive, final option for chronic back pain suffers. (My mother-in-law loaned them to me, which I really appreciated, but she wanted them back because their ideas worked for her, too.) Indeed, after I incorporated their ideas and techniques into my life, I have been totally pain-free for significant periods of time.

Back Sense claims that most back pain has a psychological cause. Stress causes tension in different places for different people. For some folks, stress shows up as tension in necks and shoulders. Some have gastrointestinal issues. Some get headaches. Others, like me, store stress in the hips and lower back. My personal theory is that stress settles in the previously injured body parts. So, it makes sense that my shoulder, hip, back, and ankle would hurt when I'm stressed because I've injured those spots before. And, pain and stress are a feedback loop--stress causes tension causes pain causes stress causes tension causes pain etc.

So, in an effort to loosen my back and body up, I'm trying to relax. The first step in this process is accepting that I have physical limitations and I need to change. I need to change my perceptions, my movements, my exercises, my habits. All difficult, but doable.

The second step is to visualize that these limitations are temporary. I've gotten better before, and I will again. In fact, as I write this, my pain today is less than yesterday, which was less than the day before, even without any pain killers. As long as I stay positive and keep moving, my pain will diminish.

The third step is to acknowledge what I do have--I'm generally healthy otherwise (other than cholesterol levels, which the Western doctors and I bang heads about--more on that later!); I can still walk and hike (I even ran a painful mile last Saturday with my kid!); I have a loving and beautiful family; I have several good friends; I'm sheltered, clothed, fed, and gainfully employed. This step is the most beneficial, and it seems that the universe has been supporting me here. This post by Ben Hewitt (a farmer tallies his holdings and realizes he'd be financially rich but spiritually broke if he sold it all), and the story of Travis Mills (introduced to me by Mike Rowe on Facebook) who, despite losing portions of all his limbs refuses to be labeled a victim (and regards himself as fortunate, lucky, and blessed), illustrate nicely the gratitude we should all have. Who am I to complain about a little back pain, in light of all my blessings?

One final Zen note from another of my inspirations:

Embrace feeling bad: By not wanting to feel bad, I make my bad feelings worse. By allowing myself to feel bad, and realizing we all feel bad sometimes, I give myself space to feel this way. I give myself permission. In fact, I embrace it as part of being human. Too many people want to feel happy all the time, positive 100% of the time, but that’s not reality. We all feel bad sometimes, and that’s OK. When you give yourself this space, and embrace the suck, you aren’t fighting with it. It happens, then it goes away, like a cloud. --Leo Babauta, Zen Habits Blogger

Thanks for reading!